Damned if I Don't
by Amulet Misty
Summary: [Post-Game] Several years after the Game, Rhyme dies. Again. She is entered into The Examination, to determine whether she is fit to Ascend. With challenges set by three other trouble-making Composers, Joshua isn't too keen in having to be her baby-sit her through it. They can only hope to get through this - because they're damned if they don't.
1. Damned if I Do

** Damned if I Don't **

**Chapter One - Damned if I Do**

A little while after Neku had gone unconscious a second time, the Composer shed his younger appearance and was now in the form that he had become accustomed to after rising to the throne of Shibuya.

It was a strange scene to be upon for him. The room was, for once, anything but empty. Yet, he felt a sort of emptiness about him. He had not scanned Neku's thoughts before the final showdown. What was the fun of having a last game if he already knew the outcome? For once, he had remained uncertain. How much did Neku value friendship now?

From the absence of a bullet in his chest, Joshua knew that it was the most important thing to him. He didn't know if he was touched or thought that Neku was stupid. Yes, he hadn't really been intending to destroy Shibuya anymore, but _what if he had_ _been_?

Letting go of that train of thought, he looked down at the still bodies lying on the cold, hard ground. One was Neku's, of course, his two other partners and lastly the young girl, Rhyme.

Now, what was he to do with her...?

The elder three of those on the floor had successfully earned their rights to be brought back to the world of the living.

The girl was different on the other hand. She had not been Erased due to his involvement.

The course to be taken would be clear if Neku had gone ahead and shot him. As the new Composer, Joshua had no doubt that Neku would give Rhyme back her life. If not for his newfound set of morals, it would be for the sake of Daisukenojo Bito, who he now considered his friend.

"Hanekoma." Joshua called out to his Producer, standing on his left and slightly behind him.

"Yes?"

"Is there any specific reason why you turned this girl into a pin?" He turned to look straight at Sanae Hanekoma, determined to get a serious answer.

"Ya know, I kinda just felt like it." The casual tone he replied in told Joshua that his attempt at intimidation didn't quite work. He supposed that Hanekoma got enough of that from the Higher Ups.

"Hanekoma." The Composer's stare grew in intensity.

"Alright, alright, I give," he said, throwing his hands up for emphasis. "That really was just a spur of the moment act of sympathy but I also kinda figured they would be interested."

"The Angels, you mean."

"Bingo. And I hit the bull's eye there, with my guess. I'm sure you've already guessed but she's on the list for the Examination."

Right, it was just as he suspected. It seemed odd that even with all that was going on, this one young girl managed to avoid having her Soul drift off; it seemed too convenient that even after being in Konishi's hands, she somehow survived. No one was that lucky. It was a different story if the _Angels_ wished for her to continue existing.

"I'm interested to know why they chose her of all people. Her Imagination surrounded her dreams but as she lost the game, she has lost them, am I right? "

"It's as you say," he confirmed. "She can't remember her dreams anymore. But ya got forgot one thing. Her dreams came from her Imagination, not the other way round."

"Ah, that's right. Still, I cannot say that her Imagination is of outstanding value. I still don't see why they have Selected her."

"That's where you're wrong. She's valuable, trust me."

"I really find that hard to believe."

"Hah. Thought you learnt a thing or two in these past three weeks."

"I learnt things about people. Their diversity is what makes Shibuya tick. Yet not all of them are suited for higher planes."

"But the Angels think this little lady is suitable."

"Hmm."

Since he was back to full power, it was easy to reach into the girl's memory. He failed to find anything that was especially of value. If one were to go on what was considered ideal 'human qualities', he would say that kindness, patience and determination would be what he picked out to put into that column, for Rhyme. However, that wasn't _so _uncommon.

"Hey, they chose you. No matter how you look at it Skulls Junior is a fantastic choice compared to you."

Joshua said nothing but Hanekoma started laughing.

"Where did that teenage kid go? I was enjoying his sarcasm."

For the first time in this conversation a smirk wormed its way onto his face.

"Oh, he's there alright. I like to think that this form is akin to a business suit. "

"Gotcha."

"And going back to business, I've decided."

"Ohoho, have you now?" Hanekoma said.

Joshua extended his hand down towards the former Players and in a flash they were all gone.

"Resurrection, eh? The Higher Ups won't be too happy about that. It took them a while to find a worthy Candidate."

"When they call me up for a hearing - and they will - they can add it to the list of rules I broke."

"Whatever you say, Boss."

That was one of the things about working with Hanekoma. To everyone else, he may be friendly, but Joshua found him to be rather patronising; he treated Joshua, sometimes, as if he was a child, and as Joshua was a patronising person _himself_, he found it all rather distasteful.

"I would think that you would be worried, seeing as how your slate isn't clean either."

"No point worrying 'bout something ya can't change. The Angels will do what they want." Carefree as always.

"Let's go, we still have things to clean up. The Reapers are a mess..." This was going to be a huge bother. After having his fun and games, Joshua was now ready to be content on just sitting down and overseeing the Games for a while, but yes, there needed to be enough Reapers to _hold_ the Games in the first place.

"Hopefully we'll sort it out before they contact us."Hanekoma sighed. "You realize how long that gives us."

Joshua didn't answer that.

Seven days now seemed too short to restore everything.

XXXXX

"_You know, this mess is gonna have some repercussions Upstairs. But hey, at least things are back to normal, right?"_

Normal. Yes, the UG was as normal as it could ever be. There had been many Reapers erased, mainly by Neku. It might have been a _little _unfair of him to let them go like that, so he tried to catch the Soul that was still drifting around to try and restore them. He didn't manage to bring back _all_ of them, of course, but that's just how the after-life went. At least Neku and his friends looked happy.

That thought, at least, served as some consolation as he ascended up to what was generally thought of by most people as 'heaven'. This was really just the plane in which the Angels inhibited, or the Higher Plane as most called it.

There were apparently seven levels of the Higher Plane, but Composers, not really being Angels, were only qualified to enter the first level. At least, that was what Hanekoma told him; he'd never been Upstairs before.

It wasn't as fluffy and white, as most would think heaven would look like. Well, that wasn't completely true. It wasn't at all fluffy but it certainly was white. There wasn't much here, to be frank. There was a field that went on for as far as Joshua could see around the whole radius of the place, and there was a massive white castle which looked like someone just dropped it there for fun. Maybe heaven got fluffier as you went up the levels of the High Planes; Joshua doubted he would ever find out.

He willed the door open and stroll in. How predictable – the _insides _were also white. Now, how was anyone going to tell apart from him and the wall? He was a glowing bright white just as much as everything else in here was. The seats, the tables, the reception desk. Yes, there was a reception desk. Albeit how grand and roman-looking the castle looked on the outside, the interior was as modernised as it could get.

He approached reception desk. There was a lady clad in – yes, you guessed it - white. She was on her phone, playing a mobile game (he knew this because he had that game on his phone too). He cleared his throat. "Why, hello. I'm Yoshiya Kiryu and I'm here for a meeting."

She didn't respond to him immediately. She wasn't a very good receptionist; she took her own sweet time finishing her level before locking her phone and looking up at Joshua. "Mmhmm. Which district, are you from, sweetie?"

"Shibuya." It was Hanekoma, who answered, having been a few paces behind him the whole time. "We're from Shibuya."

"Ohh!" She suddenly looked a lot more interested. "Oh, you're one of _them_. In that case just head down the corridor to your right it'll be the room right at the end."

Joshua started on his way while Hanekoma thanked the receptionist and caught up with him. He eyed Hanekoma wearily. "How come you're still in that form?"

"I still gotta lower my vibe for the low levels of the Higher Plane." Hanekoma laughed heartily. It made Joshua wonder about his level of Imagination. He could never gauge exactly how high it was. Certainly it was levels above his own but…

The door swung open in front of them. Joshua found the room interesting; it wasn't white this time. It had red walls and a long, rectangular glass table with black chairs all around. Each of the seven seats were occupied except for the ones that were meant for Joshua and Hanekoma. Everyone here was just as luminescent as he was. How convenient.

His eyes were drawn to the head of the table. There was certainly _someone_ sitting there, but he seemed to flicker in and out of view. From what Joshua could make out, the man looked fairly elderly, hair being missing from his head.

"That's the Head of Producers," Hanekoma whispered to him. "His Imagination is usually too high for you to perceive him, but he's lowered his vibe for this."

"Hey, old man. Are we just gonna sit around here all day? We're all here, so you can start the meeting already." _That_ was certainly a strong kansai accent. The woman who had just spoken was sitting opposite Joshua.

"_I do not tolerate impudence_." The 'old man' as she put it, had a voice that vibrated throughout the room and shook the walls, causing most of those present to wince.

"Geez, tone it down a little. You're hurtin' my ears," said the woman, a look of irritation clear on her face as she flicked her long hair behind her.

Rather than toning it down, the room shook harder even whilst he wasn't speaking. That effectively prevented the woman from saying anything else. Then quietly, very quietly, his voice was heard again, "As a requirement for all meetings in the Higher Planes, you are all required to state your rank. I am Head of Producers. "You will call me 'Sir." Quiet but definitive. "We shall go around the table, starting with the rude one."

"You talkin' about me…_Sir_? Fine then. Composer of Osaka."

The next one over was a man, looking older than Joshua appeared but looking more timid than a two year old. "H-hello, Sir. I'm the C-composer of Sappor-r-ro."

"I'm the Producer of Sapporo," said the woman sitting next to him, arms crossed over her form.

As the Head already introduced himself, the turn was skipped over to the man sitting beside Hanekoma. "I hath the honour of serving as Kyoto's Composer." His way of speaking was ancient; he must be one of the veteran Composers.

Next was Hanekoma. "Nice 'ta meet you all. I've got the fun job of being the Producer of Shibuya."

Following the suit, Joshua simply stated his rank, "I'm the Composer of Shibuya."

All eyes besides the Head of Producers were on Hanekoma and Joshua. The Composer of Osaka narrowed her eyes. "Hey, Sapporo."

"Y-y-yes, Osaka?"

"You tellin' me this chump defeated Tokyo."

Ignoring her reference of him as a 'chump' he said,"If you're referring to the previous Composer, then yes, I defeated her."

Joshua expected an angry outburst but Osaka just blinked and her lips curled into a devious smile. "Good news. Didn't like that woman. But I want to know – what happened? How come you're only Composer of Shibuya? Was Tokyo too big for you to run?"

"I run my city effectively. Even those who die out of Shibuya's area, and are eligible, are put into a Game in Shibuya. It's the life of the city after all, and there's no one living in Tokyo who hasn't been to Shibuya at least once. Common knowledge, dear. Although, that might be too much information to grasp for someone of your intelligence."

"Why you-!" People were so easily riled up.

"C-calm down, Osaka!"

"Listen here, Shibuya – "

"I see I get the nickname too. I didn't realise we were on such good terms already."

"_Enough_." The Head cut them off. "You are all equally fools, which is why you are all here today."

Touchy.

"It is simpler to pass down your penalties altogether, rather than calling upon you separately. Composer of Kyoto. It was discovered that for two years you have been subtly and unfairly increasing the ratio of older Players who are resurrected rather than the younger ones."

The bearded Composer gave a snort. "Unfairly? I hath always been just. Is it not just that the elder and wiser Players are given longer to live?"

"No, that is not the _point_. We need some young, _Imaginative, _blood back in the RG so as to keep it flowing. The balance must be kept. Your Producer has already been transferred elsewhere, and you are now to be under the observation of a newer, younger Producer." Kyoto glared at the Head's words. "Their age is of less than one hundred years."

"Less?" Kyoto looked mortified.

The man had a phobia of young people and now his superior was one. Poor dear, hee hee.

"Sapporo."

"Eeep! I-I mean, yes?" What a nervous man.

"Your count for resurrection has always been higher than most other districts but these past three weeks…" He interlinked his fingers and glared straight at Sapporo. "Did you not _think_ about the consequences of allowing _all _of the Players to live in not only one, but _three _Games?"

"B-but t-they all seemed to r-really want to come back to life," Sapporo spluttered, the poor soul.

"You seem to have completely forgotten the purpose of the Game. You are hereby only allowed one resurrection perGame."

"O-only o-one!" If there was any colour other than white on Sapporo's face, Joshua was sure that this would be the point in which it all faded away. The man looked so dejected that he didn't even try to argue against the Head.

"Shibuya."

Show time. "That's me, it seems."

"You are young for a Composer yourself, just about over a hundred years old if I recall correctly." _Only _a hundred years old. "Yet according to your Producer's reports, you have recklessly and selfishly, I might add, decided to attempt to wipe Shibuya and its Underground out of existence."

"True. I didn't see anyone trying to stop me and I didn't do it in the end, so I don't see what the problem is."

"_The problem _is that you went into the Real-Ground to collect your proxy. It is forbidden – it upsets the balance. Furthermore, you did not attempt to contact the Higher Plane through the Producer to discuss the reasons besides your decision. We waited, in hopes that you would eventually call on us. It seems we were mistaken to wait. Furthermore, concerning your Producer," and here it was, "he allowed _taboo noise _to be created. Whilst Shibuya is one of the few districts who enjoy using Noise as a tool for their Game, the _taboo _were strictly forbidden. As such, Hanekoma has received the status of a Fallen Angel."

The Head wasn't finished, though. "I've already discussed this with your Producer, and this is as much your punishment as it is his – your Producer is being transferred to another sector."

Transferred. That…wasn't good. It wasn't like he hadn't thought of the possibility that Hanekoma wouldn't be allowed to stay as his Producer but he didn't like entertaining the thought.

"We will assign you a temporary Producer. We are short-staffed, so a permanent one will be instated later on."

"Now, now a transfer? That sounds a bit petty, I would thi-"

"Quit your whinin'. You'll give me a headache," complained Osaka with a bored tone.

Did she just interrupt him?

"Moving on, Osaka. You have the worst case of all." Worst? There was no way she could have done worse than Joshua.

"I assume you think it is just fine and dandy to waltz into Nagoya territory, which is out of your jurisdiction," _hmm, _"erase all its Reapers," _oh my_, "and eraseits_ Composer._" It was sounding like it just _might _be worst. "And then proceed to erase your own Producer who was trying to stop you."

"What? I was bored, okay?" That was her golden reason.

…alright, perhaps her case _was _worse.

He exchanged a grim glance with Hanekoma. Certainly, Hanekoma had tried to stop Joshua, but Joshua completely understood why. It was his job, and he loved Shibuya; that was just the way Hanekoma was. Joshua wasn't stupid enough to attempt to erase the Producer, he knew that if he tried to, even with Hanekoma's full power on the limit, he could release it all at any time. Albeit, the UG and RG both would be affected heavily, but that could be fixed. Osaka must have been very lucky, or _very _powerful. He would like to hope the latter was not the case, because he found her an annoyance.

The Head Producer was finding her irritating too. He banged the top of the table with a fist. "Listen _here. _I would have you Erased this very instant if not for the fact that a Composer can only be replaced once he or she is defeated. It is a rule we must uphold." Unlike Joshua, the Higher Ups could not even imagine breaking the rules, it seemed

"Therefore for seven years, instead of Games in between weekly intervals, a Game will run in Osaka every week. And if winning Players request to challenge the Composer, you are not permitted to refuse." Aha. Joshua saw what the Head was playing at. No breaks between fighting winning Players one after the other could wear him out too.

Osaka simply cracked her knuckles together. "You can bring 'em on. I'll take 'em all down!"

"Hm." His expression read: 'you asked for it'. "That is all. You are dismissed."

In an instant, beams of light shot down on them transporting everyone away.

Except for Joshua and Hanekoma.

Joshua turned to face the Head. "And _why_ may I ask, are we still here?"

"I still need to discuss a matter with you two," said the Head sternly. "It seems that you have unwisely chosen to resurrect a girl who we had Selected."

Yes, he thought that was it. "Oh, have I now?"

"The girl's name is Raimu Bito. You are familiar with her, are you not?"

"Vaguely."

"Sir, J here did send her back to life, but he didn't know she'd been Selected," said Hanekoma, lying very smoothly.

"Whether he knew or not is not of importance. We are not in the position to have those who reside in the Real Ground be put through the Examination." Yes, and they would never dream of asking Joshua to go into the RG and kill her for them. And for the record, no, he wouldn't do it even if they asked.

"It looks like you're going to have to find someone else to Ascend. In which case, it doesn't seem like I need to be here," said Joshua, rising from his chair and turning to leave before the Head could zap him away.

However, the Head did have one last thing to say. "Perfect candidates are but a few. We cannot retrieve her from the Real Ground. It is absolutely forbidden." His lips twitched ever so slightly upwards. "Keep in mind, though, that Heaven's Will is for the perfect candidate to enter the Examination. No matter what the circumstance, Heaven's Will shall be carried out by the end of seven years."

_Heaven's Will? Right, there was such a thing…_

"We'll see about that."

xxxxxx

The first time Joshua had gone to join Neku and his friends and Hachiko was around a month later, and the first thing he got was a punch to the face.

"You bastard. You don't even feel sorry for what you did, do you?"

_I do. Of course I do. _Joshua had done a lot of things which he was sorry for but he wasn't sure which Neku meant. But since he was Joshua, he had means to find out.

'He shoots me twice, _twice_. And he disappears for a month without saying anything...dammit. I think I should get my own gu- Joshua get the hell out of my mind.'

That was enough; obviously Neku was just overreacting.

"Now, now Neku, I didn't think you would miss me so much."

"I didn't _miss_ you. I just wanted to know what the hell you were thinking-"

"Neku, aren't we being a tad bit rude here. You haven't introduced me to your friends."

"Don't act like you don't know who they are."

"I'm not. I'm simply showing some common courtesy." When no one spoke up, Joshua sighed. "No takers? I'll go first then. I'm Yoshiya Kiryu, but you can call me Joshua."

"Oh! I'm Shiki Misaki." Neku shot her a glare that was paired up with the thought of 'don't entertain him'. The brunette shrugged in response.

"Name's Beat. But yo, you already knew that Priss," he grumbled. He did not bother covering up the distrust he felt towards Joshua. That, or perhaps he was incapable of doing so.

"My name's Rhyme," said the younger Bito. Immediately after that she gave him a low bow. "Thanks for bringing me back to life."

It seemed to occur to the others that they had to say something about that too.

Shiki imitated Rhyme's bow. "Yes, thanks for bringing us back to the RG."

Beat was a bit more reluctant, and certainly refused to bow, but he added in, "Yeah, thanks, I guess."

As for Neku – he exchanged a look with Joshua. Yes, he already shared his piece with him. He trusted Joshua now, even if he was currently spewing up a bit of pent up rage. It would pass.

See? It was already passing. Neku shoved his hands in his pockets and asked Joshua if he'd like to join them – they were all headed to get some ramen at Ramen Don. He would go, of course.

He would allow himself this. He knew that this kind of pleasant time was not going to last forever. He was fully aware of this. He was here on a mission, and one that he fully intended to fulfil. But on the slight chance that he failed, if he failed, then there would be repercussions. He was not interested in dealing with more repercussions, but they would be there. He was the Composer; he would be able to handle everything. There wasn't any room for doubt.

As they were leaving, he noticed that Rhyme was standing still, looking up at the sky, eyes wide. Joshua saw nothing. She couldn't be seeing something that he _couldn't._ She caught him staring, shook her head to clear it, and then ran to catch up with the others.

_Heaven's Will. _A force held by the Angels that resonated through all Planes. According to Hanekoma, if a Will was spoken, it would always come true. It was the rule.

Well, if Joshua stuck around Rhyme, there was no way she would die on his watch. He was always one for breaking the rules, after all.

* * *

**A/N: Tadaa! I know, I know. TWEWY? Again? Freakin' again? xD I'm addicted to writing for these characters, okay? I love them. Anyway, the idea from this came from me thinking about post-game stuff. I thought of one where Joshua met the other Composers which I loved the idea of. And another one was where Rhyme was scouted by the Angels to become one. This is the result of thinking of them both at the same time and thinking 'wait. I can make that happen'. **

**The plot bunny became an actual fanfic because of the TWEWY Bang on tumblr. Check it out at 'subasekabang' on tumblr! There are loads of amazing TWEWY fics and fanart for everyone. Plus it has the next two chapters of this if you're impatient and want to read it x3 This is a side-project of mine, so I won't be updating as regularly as my other fics, though I hope you still stick with this!**

**Oh, if you're wondering about the Composers and thinking 'WAIT THEY ARE OCs BUT WHY?'. Well, I can't really make any in-game characters the Composers, so OCs it is. I hope they won't annoy you guys too much (unless they're meant to be annoying, which they will be, some times).**

**Aaaand I know some of you are itching to know - 'okay, but WILL WE SHIP?'. My answer is that it's up to you because I wasn't really thinking romance when I wrote this. But shippers are going to ship so if you want to you can put your shipping goggles on. (I'm talking to you, Shanna)**

**Dedications: **

**Shanna - I don't know if you've seen this on my tumblr, but this is dedicated to you because I know you love anything to do with Joshua and Rhyme and I haven't given your birthday present yet. I seriously will, I promise. I have it planned in my head...and I'll write it...eventually...**

**Heiwa - For the TWEWY bang we get partnered up, artists and writers, and she did the amazing cover for this fic. Rhyme's design is so damn precious ;-; You're really fun to talk to on skype, and I seriously love your work. Hope we can continue to talk to each other! Thanks so much!**

**- Dina (7/10/2013)**


	2. Damned if I Live

**Damned if I Don't**

_As they were leaving, he noticed that Rhyme was standing still, looking up at the sky, eyes wide. Joshua saw nothing. She couldn't be seeing something that _he_ couldn't. She caught him staring, shook her head to clear it, and then ran to catch up with the others._

Heaven's Will_. A force held by the Angels that resonated through all Planes. According to Hanekoma, if a Will was spoken, it would always come true. It was the rule._

_Well, if Joshua stuck around Rhyme, there was no way she would die on his watch. He was always one for breaking the rules, after all._

* * *

**Chapter Two - Damned if I Live**

_Seven years later…_

There was a knock on Rhyme's bedroom door. "Rhyme, are you ready? If we don't leave now, we're going to be late."

She brushed through her blond hair, now a few centimeters past her shoulders and smiled at the mirror of her dresser before opening the door to find her brother Beat, grinning at her. He was taller than her but the height difference now was not so much that he really had to look down at her. The top of her head reached above his shoulders. This was a good thing for Rhyme because though there was nothing wrong with being short, she was glad that at nineteen she could look her age. Her face still had some childish qualities, so the height made a huge difference for her.

"Guess you are. Let's go."

The destination today was Hachiko. It was the anniversary of the day that they first met-up, after their three-week long Reaper's Game. A lot of things had happened since then. Beat, Neku and Shiki were all twenty two now, working their way towards what was out there in the big world. Shiki and Eri had both landed themselves with apprenticeships with Lapin Angelique. Shiki had been telling Rhyme that after that, though, she and Eri were thinking of opening their own shop up.

Beat had managed to get his things together and much to some (but not Rhyme's) surprise, he could actually score good grades if he was studying hard enough. He was studying at Ikebukuro University in a transport studies course. Rhyme thought it somehow fit Beat to be studying about vehicles; he _had _been pretty fond of his skateboard back in middle school.

Neku was studying Psychology, of all things. She had expected him to go into something more creative. Either art or music, she would have bet on. She didn't think that he made a bad choice, though. After trying to learn more about people, and trying harder to understand them, maybe she shouldn't have been too surprised that he wanted to continue doing that. He was serious about it too; he was studying at Tokyo University.

Tokyo University – that's where Rhyme was going to be studying as an under-graduate in a few weeks' time.

"You feeling all set to becoming a university student?" Shiki asked her with a nudge, after all the greetings and hugs had been exchanged.

"As ready as I'll ever be," said Rhyme with a smile.

"Are you going to be staying on campus?" Neku questioned as well. "I stayed there for my first year before living in the flat."

"Yes," she answered. It was more economical for her to stay on campus. Besides, she always wanted to try out dorm-life. It would be fun to see how living in that kind of community would be like. She planned to, if she managed to make some friends, rent out an apartment with them in the second or third year, like Neku did. If she didn't manage to find friends, at least she was comforted by the fact that she could visit Neku if she wanted to.

Beat promised to visit regularly, too. At first she told him not to, since his own university was quite a bit away. They could always come back to Shibuya to meet, after all, but he insisted. In a way, she was glad to hear that. Even when she was growing older, she still had her brother.

"I'm already practically done with packing my things for university."

"Glad that you'll be keeping to your style, then," the older girl said, referring to Rhyme's clothes.

There was a point in time where Rhyme outgrown and then stopped wearing Beat's hand-me-down's. She had some part-time jobs during high-school and she could buy her own threads. She did find, though, that she still preferred to wear items from Wild Boar and encompassed her old skater look with her new look. She liked the same colours but this time they were bought to fit her specifically, which was a plus. Wearing skirts was quite a recent change too and she decidedly liked it. "Thanks."

"Eri and I will probably have a collection with skater motif at one point. Hey, you could model it for us, Rhyme," she suggested eagerly.

"Better her than me," said Neku, speaking from experience.

Shiki spun around to wink at him. "Oh, don't worry Neku! You'll still get your share of stage-time."

"Yo, no one's asked me yet," Beat piped up; even though he had managed to drop his 'Beat-speak' in front of other students, once he was around Neku and the gang his speech just went back to sounding almost-delinquent.

"You _want _to model for us?" asked Shiki with an amused look.

"It ain't that! You coulda still asked. I mean, Neku's still kinda scrawny, yo," he joked.

The orange-haired man frowned. "I am _not_."

"Well, compared to Beat…"

"_Shiki."_

"Beat _does _do a lot of exercise."

"_Rhyme."_

"Oh, please Neku, nothing to get worked up about. Just because you don't have muscles doesn't make you any less manly."

"_Joshua. _Wait - _Joshua?_"

And there he was, standing just beside Rhyme as if he appeared out of nowhere. Even though she knew it was because he was going from the UG to the RG, it didn't startle her any less to see him there suddenly. That being said, she managed to keep herself from stumbling into Shiki from the shock.

"Huh. Didn't expect you to show up today," Neku commented, though he didn't look surprised in the least.

"You _did _invite me," he said with a flick of his ash-blond hair.

Neku rolled his eyes. "I invite you every year and you're always a no-show."

"Oh dear, is that so? I've just been ever so busy. Running the UG is hard work, you know."

"Uhuh," said Neku unimpressed. "Let's get going. The karaoke bar is just around the corner."

"Karaoke, this time?" The Composer smirked. "Never done that with you before. I'm sure you have _absolutely_ dulcet tones." Oh, he _knew_ they were going to karaoke beforehand, didn't he? Rhyme supposed it was a good thing, then, that he now looked their age, since it would look bizarre if a group of young adult were bringing along what looked like a fifteen year old boy to a karaoke bar.

Rhyme always found it fascinating how Joshua had changed his appearance to accommodate the age of the rest of the group. When she first was introduced, he looked like he was the same age as Neku, but as they grew, he also seemed to be growing whenever they met up. Neku revealed, though that Joshua was probably a whole lot older than any of them; he had a theory that Joshua did it so that Neku wouldn't be able to taunt him about being shorter than him if he grew taller and Joshua didn't.

With a prompt countering comment from Neku to Joshua, the group headed out to embarrass themselves through song. It wasn't songs that were on Rhyme's mind, though, whilst they were walking. As the unofficial 'observer' of the group, she was curious as to why Joshua had chosen _now_ to join them today. She couldn't think of any reason why this anniversary was any different to any of the last.

But it seemed her thoughts weren't secret, because just as they were entering the building, Joshua turned to her for a very mere moment to raise a finger to his lips.

She would definitely have to put her observation skills to good use today.

xxxxx

The afternoon sky was coloured by the blue start of the evening by the time they had finished with the karaoke. It had been an…_interesting_ experience for them all. At first, no one volunteered to go first, but after Shiki was finally pressured into starting, the rest soon followed, including Neku. It might have had to do with the alcohol Rhyme was _sure_ Joshua ordered; she wasn't sure how they'd manage to let Joshua order the drinks – so much for observations. Rhyme was fine since she couldn't (and wouldn't) drink anyway, but the same could not have been said about Neku. He turned out to be a happy drunk.

Shiki and Joshua took lots of pictures and Rhyme was certain that those would probably be used for blackmail at some point.

Beat was an angry drunk (as expected) and he started shouting at the screen for no particular reason.

It was fortunate that Shiki didn't drink either, and offered to drive everyone back home. "Lapin Angelique got us an office car that Eri and I share, and I've got it parked in the car park nearby," she explained.

That was good. Rhyme had been starting to worry about how she was going to get Beat back home, since he might do damage to either the public or himself in this state. Before she could accept the good idea, she felt a hand on her shoulder that seemed to chill her and root her to the spot.

"That's right, before I forget. There's something I need to discuss with Rhyme," said Joshua, with an innocent smile that made Rhyme uneasy. Joshua never smiled like that, as far as she knew.

"Like what?" Shiki questioned.

She felt the pressure on her shoulder increase ever so slightly, and jumped to reply, "Beat's birthday present. Joshua was running low on ideas so…"

"Oh that's right, it's his birthday soon! I almost forgot about that. Hey, we're going to have to chat about that too some other time, kay?" said Shiki without any other queries. "Alright, see you soon!"

Shiki dragged the two men on her own and Rhyme had to admire Shiki's strength right then and there.

Of course, admiration needed to be put on hold due to the more, literally, pressing matter of Joshua. Her eyes slowly turned upwards to meet his. He was taller than her, too.

"Shall we take a walk?"

She didn't think she had much choice, did she?

As they started to walk through the city, Joshua leading her through the quieter lanes, Rhyme felt a pit in her stomach begin to grow. Joshua calling her out was not good. Not good at all.

Why?

Because she'd never felt truly comfortable around Joshua.

Throughout the years, although Joshua somehow seemed to occasionally weave into the 'Hachiko Group', he still seemed distant, in her eyes. Rhyme trusted Neku whole-heartedly, and he trusted Joshua, so logic would point towards reasoning that she should trust Joshua. But she didn't, not really.

Joshua never announced when he was going to turn up, he just did. Neku knew best that it was just the way things had to be; Shiki and Beat went along with it. They all got along just fine. It was just…sometimes she felt as if Joshua was watching her – when she couldn't see him. Perhaps it was just her intuition going crazy but she the way Joshua sometimes didn't want to meet her eyes convinced her otherwise.

She confronted Neku about it once.

"_Watching you? Sounds like Josh. Ask Beat and Shiki, I'm sure they've noticed him sometimes too. Hell, I get it all the time. It's nothing to worry about."_

_Rhyme said in a small voice, "I did ask. Does he always exit the UG to talk to them afterwards?"_

"_Yep. It's the same for me, and sometimes I just wish he'd cut it out."_

That's what Neku said. The thing was, Joshua had _never _shown himself after Rhyme sensed (?) him.

And this was all while Beat, Shiki and Neku were still in high-school. As the three moved on to continue their education, they were all spread out all over Tokyo, and they had less time to go out on weekends to visit Shibuya. All three of them mentioned how Joshua would sometimes come out to say hi to them.

Even though Rhyme had still been schooling in Shibuya, Joshua had not even once tried to start a conversation with her alone – but she could still somewhat feel his presence. This made her very suspicious, of course. Why not talk to her if he was following her? The only reason she could come up with was if he had a reason he _couldn't_ talk to her directly...If only she knew what…

She was cut off from her thoughts by a giggle. "Oh dear, this is _exactly_ why I don't speak to you. You're too curious for your own good, Rhyme."

Was he reading her mind? If that was it, then she should have brought her Player pin…

"It won't have done you any good; I would have just taken it off you the moment I arrived," he said. That was certainly true.

"So, could I ask you want to talk to me? Is it to explain why you've been following me all this time," she asked, getting straight to the point.

"Not _following. _You make it sound like I have nothing better to do. No, Rhyme, I was _protecting_ you," he revealed.

Protecting her? "From what?"

"Pass."

Rhyme blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I can't answer that for you," he sighed, "so I'm passing that question."

"Alright then…how much longer are you going to continue following – or, erm – protecting me?"

"Pass."

"You can answer _that _one, surely."

"I'm afraid not – so pass."

"Does this involve why Mr. H disappeared of all of a sudden?"

"…Pass."

Oh. _Oh. _There was definitely a pause before _that _'pass'. Rhyme assumed she hit the mark then. That was another reason why she was discontent with Joshua. Not long after they came back to life CAT, who Neku informed was Mr.H, seemed to disappear from the face of Shibuya. The café he worked at had suddenly closed down.

The group had swarmed Joshua with questions when they realised Mr. H was missing. Joshua showed them a letter that was written by Mr. H (Neku was able to somehow vouch that it was indeed his handwriting) and it told them he had business elsewhere in Japan and would return soon.

It had been seven years since then and still no news.

At least for this case, Rhyme hadn't been the only one thinking something was odd about it. Neku thought that Mr.H must have had an important role in the turnout of their Reaper's Game. He swore that he saw Mr.H standing with Joshua before he was brought back to life. All Joshua was willing to say was that Mr. H had been telling the truth and that he was really there to oversee the Game.

There had always been a feeling in the corners of Rhyme's mind that there was something bigger to it.

"I think I may be _starting_ to understand, now, why they picked you."

"Who picked me?"

"Hm? Oh, the university you're going to. You must have got high grades with a mind like yours." Joshua's compliment was dripping with an undertone.

"You should have just 'passed' that instead of lying," she told him.

"I didn't lie."

"But you meant something else. You should have 'passed'."

"I should have? I see…" He cupped his chin. "That university is outside of Shibuya, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"Out of my reach…although at this rate it might not even matter…"

"What might not matter?"

"Pass."

This was starting to wear her down.

"You know," he said, "the question I really wanted to ask you tonight was what you think about your dreams."

"My dreams?"

"They were your entry fee once, were they not?"

"They were…" Of course they were. She could never forget the feeling of losing her dreams. She had notes. Many journals filled with notes, plans, ideas, all fuelled towards her dream. After the Game though, the notes meant nothing to her. She understood them. She knew what they were for. She could not, however, relive the passion she felt for those dreams.

And she still couldn't.

"I live what most people would call a blessed life. I have 'excellent grades' and I _am _going to Tokyo U but…I don't know if it's worth me going. I'm going to take a course that, sure, I like. But I would be lying if I said that it had anything to do with my dreams. I still don't have any at the moment. I've tried finding new ones, but…" She trailed off, not needing to finish and say that she failed.

She accepted the loss of her dreams. Yes, she did. She didn't forget them, but she did accept the fact. It didn't explain why she couldn't find a new one. It wasn't for a lack of trying either. She had tried _everything_. From arts, to music, to sports. She either had no interest in any of those things. Drama and literature? No, nothing particularly special to her. It wasn't that she didn't _like_ those things, but she didn't like them _enough _to pursue any of them as a dream.

Perhaps her entry fee had not just been the dream that she currently had, but the ability _to _dream. But what was she, without that? What was _anyone _without that?

"And _that _is the reason I _don't _understand why they picked you."

"What am I being picked for?"

"Pass."

"Just because you're the Composer, it doesn't mean you can just 'pass' all my questions." She was not in a good mood anymore. Joshua had brought up a sensitive subject for her. Even her brother, the most insensitive person in the world, knew not to mention dreams in front of her anymore. This was after explanation from Neku and Shiki, but he understood. If Beat backed off, Joshua had no right. Even with all his powers, it didn't mean he deserved the right.

"I think it does, Rhyme."

Suddenly, Rhyme had become aware that they were right in front of the doorstep to her house. She couldn't fathom how they got there on foot within such a short period of time. Joshua's powers again, she assumed.

She glanced upwards towards her house. The curtains were drawn close, but she could tell that light in Beat's room were on. She suspected that although that was the case, Beat could have possibly fallen asleep with his lights on. He _was _a heavy sleeper after all. Shiki must had trouble trying to somehow get Beat back to his room. She wasn't here anymore; her car was not in the drive.

"I must let you know, the only things I do, I do for my own benefit," said Joshua suddenly. "Even if it seems like I'm doing things to help others, it's just for my satisfaction. I'm telling you this in advance, so be grateful."

"I _am _grateful," she said, not being entirely sarcastic. She could wonder on and on about why he bothered to tell her such a fact about himself, but she knew that trying to figure out such a seemingly complicated being might be beyond her.

There was always one other thing besides the feeling of being watched that Rhyme had gotten from Joshua – she also thought that he must be feeling lonely. Even when he was laughing or being condescending and having fun, there was always this sense of loneliness that she detected in him. It was probably one of those things that came along with living a long time. She never asked if he was immortal, and she didn't think she should. Even though he _had _asked her about dreams, one of the sayings she didn't really like was 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth', so she decided to hold back her curiosity, this time.

His violet eyes bore into hers and she _knew _he had been reading her mind.

"Pass," he said anyway. Unnecessary to say, but he said it anyway. Again, she hadn't had the intention of questioning his mortality.

"I think it is time for us to part now, Rhyme."

Rhyme nodded slowly. She was still trying to decide whether their conversation revealed anything of real importance.

"There's one last thing I want to say." He stepped back and as he started fading back into the UG.

A shiver ran through her as he said it. It rang in her ears that night as she tossed and turned, failing to fall asleep.

"If I fail, I'm truly sorry."

Those words were accompanied with a smile – a lonely smile.

She wouldn't understand those words until a long time after he had said them.

Exactly one week later, Raimu Bito died for the second time.

xxxxx

Voices…she could hear voices…

"_I wasn't told this was going to happen."_

That…was that Joshua's voice?

"_We found no reason to have told you."_

There was another person. Who…?

"_Fair enough, but is this really necessary?"_

"_Yes. Yes, it is. Ah, she's semi-conscious."_

"_Rhyme? Can you hear me?"_

'Yes' is what she would have answered. But she couldn't speak. She couldn't feel either. She could only hear the voices.

"_Sleep, Raimu Bito."_

Sleep. That sounded good. She felt her consciousness drifting away as even sound started to vanish.

"_Sleep_."

And sleep she did.

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**A/N: Tadaa! Here's the second chapter of Damned if I Don't! I edited it only a tiny bit from the tumblr entry, such as descriptions of her clothes and such. If you're confused with anything, that's alright, things will clear up later on. But yes, this will be the format for this fic. Third person and it'll shift between Joshua and Rhyme accordingly. I enjoyed writing in Rhyme's 'voice'. It was a bit different but it was fun :3**

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**Thank you to: **B.A.G-GOMEZ, BlazingKaiogra, DenizenofTwilight and Pinkdesi101 **for the follows, favourites and reviews respectively!**

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**Content Notes:**

**University - I have not had the pleasure of experiencing university yet so I'm not quite sure how it works, so if anything I said is strange/wrong I apologise. And I do like to think Beat could do it if he really tried - I imagine it wouldn't be a top grade university but it would be something. And yes Neku and Rhyme got into Tokyo U. I think they'd be smart enough to xD**

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**That's all for now, folks! Thanks for reading and hoped you enjoyed? By the way, Heaven's Will dictates that thou shalt press that review button. Just sayin' -shot-**

**- Dina (26 October 2013)**


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